Why is this site called what it is?
‘Cause I’m angry, patriotic and most assuredly a bastard! Blow me!

What is the deal with the Civil War main graphic?
Fair enough question. See, that is what we like to call visual symbolism. In my opinion, the Civil War and the months preceding it were the most glorious times in American history. Ignore for a minute the philosophies of the Federal and Confederate leaders and whether they were right or wrong. Focus instead on the fact that tens of thousands of Americans believed so passionately in a cause that they instantaneously took up arms to defend what they believed was right. Keep in mind, taking up arms back then was a lot different than today. Fighting in a war in that era meant that you would line up against a few thousand of the most grizzled, wooden-teeth bastards to ever come kicking their way out of vaginas. Then you would trade cannon shots to the nutsac while you peppered each other with musket balls. That is hard-fucking-core. And frankly, in that brief period, American history reached its zenith. Never before that point and never since have we as a people been so passionate, courageous, romantic or tough. So placing that graphic on the top of my page is a reminder of the idealism and valor that we were once capable of and a testament of my hope that we still have within us the potential for similar nobility.

So, I am confused, do you sympathize with the North or the South?
In a word, both. But that doesn’t really matter. What matters is a significant portion of this country didn’t like the decisions being made by the federal government and they had the balls necessary to stand up and do something about it, even if that meant risking their lives. I respect that. Equally deserving of respect is that the North saw this insurrection, didn’t agree with it, and didn’t hesitate for a moment to begin stomping all sorts of southern ass with their large, industrial, northern boot. Although the philosophies behind the Confederate position are shady at best, the fact remains that both sides believed in an ideal and were willing to fight and die for that ideal without hesitation.

You are so negative. What’s the point of just ranting and raving like an asshole?
Chances are if you asked his question, you are a tofu-eating hippy that stumbled onto this website in his free time between yoga class and his Buddhist meditation group session. Furthermore, no matter how articulate my response, I suspect that it shall be wasted on you, as your mind, undoubtedly clogged with the sticky residues of a million bong hits and clove cigarettes, will be unable to process it. But to be fair, I’ll five it a shot anyway. Why am I so negative? What’s the point of me ranting? Well, dickface, you are correct that I don’t offer many solutions to the specific issues I discuss. However, the point is to get people riled up, to get them angry. Our fucking constitution promises us something that it just isn’t delivering—Free Speech, among other things. People can’t speak their minds about racial, religious, social or political issues without the outspoken “liberal” portion of society freaking out and branding them with whatever demonized title is en vogue at the time. I want to get you people just as angry about this violation of personal rights as I am. I ultimately want millions of fed up Americans rallying around my banner of freedom, logic and reason. I want to disempower the pseudo-intellectual bleeding hearts that claim moral high ground while implementing a chokehold of ignorance and abortive philosophical beliefs on American society. I want, at the very least, some final safe haven where people who have opinions that they have formed themselves, not opinions that were adopted from biased media sources, can congregate and express those beliefs.

Do you really believe in all the bullshit you spout on this website?!
Yes and no. Some part of me believes in it all, but I must admit that I write some of these articles as a means of venting anger and frustration. As a result, some of them come out more aggressive than I intended. Conversely, sometimes I even intentionally add more aggression and anger to a particular article in an attempt to deconstruct certain politically correct ideas and conceptions that I believe are for the most part harmful or obstructive to our mentality as a nation. I see all of these politically correct labels, terms and ideas as looming, brick and mortar structures that obscure our view of the truth that lies on the horizon. Sure, I could use a three-pound sledgehammer and it would take me years to dismantle these social abominations. But I would rather use a wrecking ball, or better yet a nuclear warhead. To mix metaphors, if society’s mentality has shifted too far to the left and the goal is to re-center it, some heavy right wing counter weights are needed. That’s what this website is about; an attempt to balance society’s mentality before it becomes harmful and dangerous.

You are constantly bagging on political liberals who you identify as whiners but I interpret this criticism as just glorified whining and isn’t it just that?
Sure, I guess you could label my rants as simply whining diatribes, but that would make you an imperceptive dipshit. Whining is what Berkely students do in their free time in order to make a “statement” about the deteriorating ecosystem of the Kansas dung beetle. What I do is attack salient, contemporary issues that affect our lives right now. Life will go on regardless of the perseverance of the Kansas dung beetle, but life will not go on as we know it if attention is not directed at the more important political and social concerns that will have an effect on both the present day and future success of our nation as a whole.

You purport to be correct on every issue you discuss. Are you never willing to admit that you might be wrong?
Glad you asked. Although I am one smart motherfucker, occasionally I might not see a certain perspective on an issue clearly and as a result I will make relatively uninformed statements. If this is the case, send me an email and correct me. I am not too vain or egocentric to admit when I am proved wrong. If you open my eyes to a different view point that is well grounded in logic and reason, I will happily rewrite the offending rant and credit you for changing the mind of one of the most stubborn people on the planet—me. But if you send me some senseless left-wing criticism full of contradictions and hypocrisy, I will post it in my “Mail” section and mercilessly expose you for the carpet-munching hippy Starbucks patron that you are.

I fucking love your articles! How often do you post new rants?
No shit you love my articles. They are the friggin’ best! I try to put a new piece up every week, but being an angry patriotic bastard is hard work and it takes a lot out of me. Occasionally I might miss a week here and there, but don’t soil your panties over it. Chances are the following week I will come back even angrier and a bigger bastard than before with an article so belligerent that it will make your taint spontaneously combust! If you want to be the first kid on your block to have read the new articles, send me an email at webmaster@angrypatrioticbastard.com and tell me to put you on the mailing list and I will drop you a line every time I update the site.

I really dig this website. Any suggestions on other sites to check out?
Sure. If you can’t find enough anger here to satiate you, check out http://maddox.xmission.com. Maddox’s rants are extremely angry and very intelligent. Also check out http://www.angryorcs.com. Anger is cool and so are Orcs! And this site has both! When you swing by there, make sure to check out the “DIE!!” section. It is fabulous. If you find yourself bored and craving something new, swing by http://www.quixoticcrap.com. It is a link site that has a good variety of links and the webmaster keeps the content fresh. Aside from those three sites, I have yet to find anywhere I can go for consistent good reads. Let me know if I am missing out on something.

I’m a hot chick with big, fake titties. Can I marry you?
I get this one all the time. No, I’m afraid you can’t. I’m just not ready for that level of commitment, not to mention I would feel as if I were betraying my sexual partner that has been there for me through thick and thin—Internet porn. You are, however, encouraged to suck my cock. That I will allow. Sending me horribly inappropriate pictures of your yogurt cave is also encouraged.

What’s your story? Who are you?
I’m your average Joe Schmoe. I’m just like any other frustrated college grad from a Midwestern, middle-class family of 2.4 children who takes 100 mgs of Zanoff three times a day to “avoid incidents.” In the most rudimentary sense I am a Republican because I advocate small government, but my across-the-board laisse-faire opinion of what government’s role should be dictates my agreement with certain typically Democratic views (pro choice, separation of church and state and pro equality regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, etc.). This sharing of beliefs with generally distasteful Democrats at times nauseates me, but I do have to admit that they are right every once in a while. On a more personal level, I enjoy basket weaving, croquet and banging your mom.

What do you do when you are not angrily banging away at your keyboard, offending people with this site’s content?
A good question that I cannot answer very well. If I had to respond in one sentence I would say, “wasting my college education.” The corporate world sucks. It’s a well-known fact but you don’t really realize the utter truth of the statement until you get squeezed out of the academic womb of college and fall onto the cold, tile floor of society screaming and crying like a little bitch. I tried my hand at the corporate lifestyle for a while, but I just didn’t have the fortitude or complacency (take your pick) to continue. I can’t think of one friend of mine who is actually happy with their corporate job—a good indicator to stay the fuck out of that world. So now I’m bouncing around a bit, trying my hand at various unconventional activities. A little bartending here, a little manual labor there. Whatever puts Mac ‘n Cheese on my plate and Milwaukee’s Best in my fridge. If I ever find a job that both pays well and is not nauseating, I will inform you all immediately so that you too may find happiness and meaning in a career that doesn’t suck prostate

Your website is really smooth looking. Who made the design?
No shit it’s a smooth website. I don’t fuck around. Neither does the guy who designed it for me, as evidenced by his work displayed at www.kraeeranimation.com. The guy is a fucking cyber-ninja. Not only does he make dope websites but he also does hard-core computer animation—the kind that just might reach out of your monitor and flick you in the nuts. He’s got samples on his site of everything from Sean Connery plucking out one of his own eyes to dragons scorching peasants nutsacs to Mr. T kicking your grandma’s ass. Well, maybe not that last one, but perhaps one of these days…

I am absolutely dying to give you some fucking money. How do I do that?
Glad you asked. I pour a lot of time, effort and money into this website and the great majority of the website’s content will always be free—as it should be. Unfortunately though, effort alone is not enough to keep the site up and running. If you would like to be an integral part in maintaining this website, there is a way in which you can do that: Pay Pall. The easiest and most direct way in which you can help me support this site is to contribute money to its maintenance. With this service you can donate money directly towards the payment of the monthly hosting bill. Or, send me an email letting me know that your donation is meant for my Debauchery Fund. Tips/donations sent to the Debauchery Fund will not only help pay for porn, booze and lap dances, but it will encourage me by letting me know that people out there not only enjoy reading the material on this website but they also view it as a valuable commodity. This will motivate me to get angrier and post more regularly. Furthermore, being a loyal person, I will spend the donation on any activity/vice that you specify in your email. If you are lucky, I will send you a message describing exactly how your donation either got me drunk or laid. Just put the amount you want to send me in the box and then click on the button and the form is easy to fill out. Any help, no matter how minute is greatly appreciated (as I am a poor angry patriotic bastard).

Give me a fucking tip you pinko bastard!

Dustin and I go way back. He is the type of guy who, if you saw him in a crowd or talked to him on the phone, you would be thinking, “Huh, pretty normal cat.” But once you spend some time with him you realize that deep down the mutherfucker is nuts. I mean, a couple years ago this guy was working in San Fran at some corporate law firm when out of nowhere he decides that that type of work was a shitty way to spend his time and he just quits. A couple days later he moves to Mexico without knowing a fucking person in the country. And I don’t mean he goes there on vacation, I mean he sells all his shit and moves there. He ends up having the wildest experiences down there. I mean, I go to Mexico and I get drunk, have a good time, etc. Dustin goes there and ends up banging broads from all over the world, getting in back alley brawls with Mexican drug dealers and spending a night in a communist jail after he snuck a couple of illegal black market packages past Cuban customs. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Plus he sees the world in a different way than anyone else I know and the way he tells stories allows others to really step into his shoes and see life like he does. Finally, he writes well too. Basically, the guy is my hero. He is the type of person I could be if I had ten additional IQ points, balls the size of Christmas Hams and an animal magnetism that makes Don Juan look like Pat from Saturday Night Live. Buying his book is a great way to spend a few bucks, and I ain’t saying that just ‘cause he’s my boy. Click here to access the page dedicated to his book.